The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
