i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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