found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
