420 ftw
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
