i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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