I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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