i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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