She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
