I look better un-naked...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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