Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
