Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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