i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
