My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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