You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
