I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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