He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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