i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
