not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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