god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
