Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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