if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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