when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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