I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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