I can feel you judging me through the phone.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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