Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
