his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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