sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
