she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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