Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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