I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
