my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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