I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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