$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
