every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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