dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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