Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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