Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
