I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just want to make out with him forever
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
