I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
