My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
