So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
