I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
