First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
