That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
