do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
