she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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