I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
