Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
