So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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