Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
