so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
