does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
