Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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