Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
