Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
