When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
