I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
