Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She bit a glass in half.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
