I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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