Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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