R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
