I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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