I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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