I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
