Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
