No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize