I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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