not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
