He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
