I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
