Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
