Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry about my life...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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