what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
