Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
