I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
