come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
