i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
