Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
