i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
